The Manufactured Tone of First Dates

Last Thursday I had one of the most enjoyable dates I’ve ever had. What made it so enjoyable was that it wasn’t really a “date” at all. Instead, we ran errands…to Target, the Post Office, and the mall. After joining other friends for dinner, we finished off the night with a great conversation in her back yard and singing while she played the piano. All-in-all, the experience provided a very natural and comfortable get-to-know-you session with an interesting and enjoyable woman.

I’ve found that oft times, first dates have a manufactured and structured tone that hinders a chillax environment in which both people can get to know the “real” you. Even myself, while I’m confident with who I am, and try not to put on a front, recognizes that it’s hard for me to just be me in a formal date. Maybe it’s the subconscious pressure of providing my date with a good and entertaining time or maybe its trying to get to know my date, while also giving her a summary of myself. Whatever it is, it often feels too fake or manufactured for my liking.


So my take-away from last Thursday, along with a new-found resolve to spend more time with return sister missionaries, is to try to replace the formal “first date” model with a one-on-one hang-out. However, besides hanging at the park or pool or running errands, I’m not so sure how to go about doing this. Maybe part of it is in the way the “date” offer is extended. Your thoughts and suggestions are appreciated.

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4 Responses to The Manufactured Tone of First Dates

  1. Natasha says:

    My suggestion is to talk with someone on the phone first. Most women are used to talking on the phone! OR, become her Facebook friend (people do that easily these days, casually) and chat/message that way. Because it’s easier when you have some time to consider your thought and you’re not worried about how you look or if your face is responding appropriately to what she’s saying. By the time you go out, you’ll be more comfortable.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I concur =]

  3. Kendell Wrae says:

    pssst. look who has a blog now!PS: i couldnt agree more. thats why casey and i decided that he and i are to have no more first dates. lol. i think that the way ur not-date happened is the way it should feel on a first date. bravo bro

  4. Jeff says:

    i couldnt agree more dude… dates suck haha… i dont know if you knew or not but im engaged. my first “date” with my fiance was watching movies and slurpees at her apartment. i think you have the right idea tho… make the first “date” more of a hang out… then the “real dates” are easier because you can really know if you wanted to actually spend quality time and money with that person.

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